Here In Your Arms Again
by FinnC
Summary: It's the five anniversary of Finn's death, and Rachel hasn't dated since his death. Just when she thinks she can start letting go, she meets a stranger in a bar and she's not so sure she can let go of Finn just yet. [Rated M for violence,adult themes and swearing. No smut]


_**September 2018, New York**_

Rachel sat in her couch in her apartment in New York City when Kurt got out of the guest bedroom. Kurt bit his lip, thinking. "Hey." He said looking at Rachel. Rachel looked up at him and gave him a quick smile "Hey.". Kurt started walking to the couch and sat down "Aren't you going to get to bed soon? Aren't you tired from the flight?" Kurt said looking at her. "No... Not really." Rachel said looking down. "I was thinking maybe we could go to a club or bar or something tomorrow." Rachel looked at him "I don't go to clubs, too many clingy guys." Kurt sighed "Bar then." Rachel was just looking out in the open.

"You can't do this each year Rachel... I get it. But it's been five years. You can't mope around for a month each year for the rest of your life... Don't you think it's time to move on?" Kurt said and put a hand on her knee.

Rachel looked his way her brows furrowed "Why not? It's a perfectly normal reaction! You don't know how it feels, It hurts just like the day it happened! I think about him everyday, there hasn't been a day I haven't! It's tough just carrying that around. Believe it or not letting out and talking and singing about him once every five years doesn't make up the fact that he's gone. And I don't care if I should move on or not... I'm just focusing on my career." Rachel said a little mad.

"That's what you've said for five years... "I'm focusing on school and my career." "I don't have time" he would have wanted you to move on you know? I mean you haven't even kissed a guy since probably Will and Emma's wedding." Kurt said looking at her a little sadly, not letting go. "I have too! I kissed you on a dare." Rachel said pointing at him. "Gay guys doesn't count, neither does straight guys in a play you're doing." Rachel opened her mouth but shut it not having anything to say to prove Kurt wrong. "I don't need your advice Kurt. I'm an adult woman, I can take care of myself." Rachel said as she got up "I'm going to bed." Rachel said obviously upset. Kurt sighed as Rachel headed for her room and closed the door.

Kurt got up from the couch and went to the kitchen to grab himself a water, he didn't even live here. He was only staying here for a little while because Rachel needing a friend. It had been five years since Finn had passed away. And they had just been in a Lima for a sort of get-together to remember Finn. It was Puck's work, with a little help from his fiancée Quinn. Kurt leaned against the fridge and let out another sigh "Why couldn't you just be here."

Rachel groaned "Kurt, I'm not In the mood to go to a bar." Kurt was throwing clothes out of her closet looking for something Rachel could wear. "I told you, it's not up for discussion. We're going." Kurt said determined. Rachel picked out a sweater and some jeans Kurt had thrown on the bed. "I can wear this." She said. Kurt looked at it and sighed "Can't you wear something else?". Rachel shook her head "I'm only going to the bar if I get to wear this." Kurt looked at her for some time before groaning "Fine." he said.

When they had gotten out of the apartment they linked their arms and Rachel looked at Kurt, "So where are we going?" Kurt smiled "I have no idea.". Rachel looked at him confused "I thought you said we were going to a bar." Rachel asked. "We are. I just don't know where." Kurt said. "So we're just going till we find a bar? I thought you were more organized." Rachel said giggling. Kurt was a little "I am! I just thought we'd walk for a bit until we find one." Rachel just nodded "Sure.".

Kurt and Rachel had walked for a while when they decided to get a cab. Kurt hailed a cab, when they got inside the cabbie looked back at them. He was somewhere in his fifty's, his brown short hair was starting to turn grey. He was nicely shaven, and he looked in general like a nice guy. "Where to?" The cabbie asked. Kurt and Rachel looked at each other "We don't really know." Kurt said. "Take us to a nice bar, which usually isn't crowded." Rachel said with a smile at Kurt. Kurt was happy that Rachel seemed more optimistic about going out. "You're an odd young couple" The cabbie said while he started to drive. Rachel giggled "Oh. We're not together. He's my best friend... Gay best friend." Kurt looked at Rachel with a raised eyebrow. She didn't know why she told him that.

But the cabbie just chuckled "Oh I see... I was starting to wonder if Rachel Berry had started to date a gay guy." Rachel looked at him curiously. "You know who I am?". The cabbie started to explain how his daughters who was about Rachel's age, and his wife loved to go see Rachel's shows. He told her that he had too seen her in a play. And loved Rachel's performance. Rachel,Kurt and the cabbie shared a nice conversation until the cabbie stopped at a bar. "This is a nice little bar, usually not too much people. they have an open mic tonight. Thought it would fit you perfectly." Rachel just smiled at the cabbie "It does, perfectly. Thank you." Rachel said and paid the cabbie with a generous tip. Kurt and Rachel got out and the cab drove away. Kurt linked him and Rachel's arms "Shall we?"

The cabbie had been right, it was a nice little bar. Not to little, not too much people. When you got inside to your left was the bar. There was about two people sitting on stools talking to each other. They didn't seem to intoxicated. Also to your left was a stage at the front of the bar. It looked like the bar was specifically designed to entertain. There was seating both in front and in the back. There wasn't too much lighting in the bar, the most lights were on the stage. There was a woman playing on her guitar on the stage, she wasn't singing just playing.

Rachel noticed at the far back a bearded man sitting in a booth. His beard wasn't long, but a little thick. It was literally the furthest back from the stage, maybe he just didn't like people. From the physique Rachel could guess he was maybe in his thirty's. She couldn't make his face since it was so dark, she could see his hair. It was short, she couldn't be sure about the colour since it was so dark. There were a lot of beers on his table, but only he was sitting there. Rachel could only guess that all those beers were his. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea." Kurt said worridly. "Oh don't be paranoid Kurt. All these people look nice." Kurt looked at the bearded man Rachel had noticed. "Yeah sure, that man with a lot of beers doesn't look like a murderer" Kurt said sarcastically. "Nonsense, you wanted us to go to a bar. This is the bar." Rachel said and sat down on a table in the middle of the bar.

The woman at the stage noticed Kurt and Rachel, she stopped playing her guitar and she put it down. The woman had dark hair and walked towards Kurt and Rachel. "We're going to die." Kurt said quietly. The woman stopped in front of them"What can I get you?" She asked. Rachel grinned at Kurt and then looked at their waitress "I'll just have a beer." Kurt said. "I'll have a mojito." Rachel said to the waitress. After the waitress went away Rachel giggled. "She was our waitress." Kurt looked at her not amused at all "Yes, ha ha very funny. Mock me all you want, you were a little worried too." Kurt said.

After a while more people had come to the bar. Rachel counted all of them and there were about twelve people in the bar. Rachel noticed that the man in the far back was still alone. He had just talked to the waitress once, probably asking for some water since that's what she came back with. Rachel couldn't see the guy, but she felt like he was looking at her.

The waitress went up to the stage with a mic in her hand and she set it up. "Okay... So hey guys. It's open mic night tonight. So anyone who wants to sing, me and Chase would gladly to back you up with instruments." The waitress said and looked at the bartender Chase. The look the waitress gave Chase the bartender Rachel recognized immediately. And Rachel felt a suck in her stomach. They were a couple, they probably owned the bar. Rachel's mood went to sad. She looked down and thought, why couldn't she have something like that. The waitress' name which was Mia, said she would be singing Hallelujah. And as she sung Rachel didn't get any better. The woman had a voice, and Rachel immediately recognized the woman. She's an indie music artist. Or used to be at least. Rachel had some tears in her eyes. She closed them and thought about Finn. She wondered if he was someplace, if he was looking down on her. Sometimes she felt like he did, and sometimes she felt like he didn't. Like she was all alone.

When the woman was done singing, Rachel stood up and clapped. The other people followed Rachel's lead and clapped for Mia too. Rachel wiped some tears from her eyes. Kurt looked at her and pulled her close in an embrace. Knowing what she was thinking about.

"Next up is the gentleman in the back is singing Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls." Rachel and Kurt looked back curiously. The guy put his hood up and stood up and Rachel and Kurt looked back up at the stage. The man walked by them, Rachel noticed he was very tall, just like Finn. She sighed. She wasn't usually this hung up on Finn. She pulled herself together. But the five-year anniversary of his death did a really impact on her.

Before the guy walked up on stage, he walked to Chase the bartender. He was whispering something into his ear. Chase nodded and looked at Rachel for a split second before talking to the guy. Rachel thought that was a bit weird. Was the guy talking about her? Suddenly the bartender lowered the lights on the stage and fixed the lightning. When the guy walked up on the stage Rachel still couldn't make out her face. "That's a bit weird." Rachel said to Kurt. Kurt just looked at her "Maybe he's a celebrity who doesn't want to be seen."Kurt said with a grin.

Chase came to Rachel with another mojito. Rachel looked at him "Oh no, I didn't order another." Chase looked at her. "I know. It's from that guy." Chase said and pointed at the guy on stage. "Oh... Thanks" Rachel said. When Chase walked away Kurt bumped her shoulder "You got an admirer" Kurt said with a smile. "Maybe he's just nice." Rachel said looking at the guy on stage who was picking up a guitar which was already on stage then he sat down on a stool in front of the microphone.

She noticed Chase putting in a CD in the bar. The CD started playing, and Rachel noticed it was some of the instruments used in the song. This guy came prepared. Chase started the CD again and then ran to the drums. The girl Mia was playing bass and the guy who was singing also played guitar. The guitar started playing and Rachel closed her eyes and enjoyed the guitar.

The guy started singing and Rachel was convinced he was looking at her.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't wanna go home right now  
_

His voice was thick with emotion, and Rachel thought his voice was hauntingly beautiful. She looked up at the stage with astonishment and wet eyes.

_And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
When sooner or later it's over  
I just don't wanna miss you tonight  
_

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

His voice was strong now and Rachel could tell he was full of emotions ready to let out. Rachel could hear him breathe out into the mic when he was done singing the chorus.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive_

_And I don't want the world to see me_  
_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_  
_When everything's made to be broken_  
_I just want you to know who I am_

He was singing with so much passion, and Rachel couldn't help but feeling a little amazed. His husky voice was amazing.

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

_And I don't want the world to see me_  
_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_  
_When everything's made to be broken_  
_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_  
_I just want you to know who I am_  
_I just want you to know who I am_

He let out a sigh that could be heard in the microphone when he finished the song. He seemed burdened by something. It also seemed like Rachel wasn't so alone after all. She wasn't the only one carrying stuff. Rachel clapped and wiped tears from her eyes yet again. She had been really emotional lately. The song reminded her of Finn. Kurt looked at her "Looks like this was a great idea." Rachel looked at him brows furrowed "What's that supposed to mean?" Rachel said offended. "You've caught a crush." Kurt said looking at her. "And that's completely fine Rachel. You don't have to be afraid..." Rachel just looked out into the open "Don't be silly Kurt." Maybe it wasn't. It had been five years. Kurt was right, maybe she should start looking for someone else.

The guy was back in his booth and Rachel hadn't noticed him walking past them. Rachel got up and decided she would sing a song too. "You wanna do a duet?" Kurt offered. "Thanks... But I want to sing something." Kurt smiled at her "Sure." Rachel went up to the waitress and bartender. After about ten minutes they all got up on stage. The bartender set the lightning back to normal, before going back on stage.

_**I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted  
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted  
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine**_

_**Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?**_  
_**When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?**_

_**Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?**_  
_**If what we had was real, how could you be fine?**_

_**'Cause I'm not fine at all**_

_**I remember the day you told me you were leaving**_  
_**I remember the make-up running down my face**_  
_**And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them**_  
_**Like every single wish we ever made**_  
_**I wish that I could wake up with amnesia**_  
_**And forget about the stupid little things**_  
_**Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you**_  
_**And the memories I never can escape**_

_**'Cause I'm not fine at all**_

Rachel sang with passion, her eyes was wet and she shed some tears while singing. Because in a way she was singing about Finn.

T**_he pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone_**  
**_I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone_**  
**_And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around_**

**_It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on_**  
**_It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long_**

**_It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?_**  
**_If what we had was real, how could you be fine?_**

**_'Cause I'm not fine at all_**

**_I remember the day you told me you were leaving_**  
**_I remember the make-up running down my face_**  
**_And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them_**  
**_Like every single wish we ever made_**  
**_I wish that I could wake up with amnesia_**  
**_And forget about the stupid little things_**  
**_Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you_**  
**_And the memories I never can escape_**

Rachel looked at the corner where the guy with the beard was. There was something interesting with him. She couldn't put a finger on why though.

_**If today I woke up with you right beside me  
Like all of this was just some twisted dream  
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before  
And you'd never slip away  
And you'd never hear me say**_

_**I remember the day you told me you were leaving**_  
_**I remember the make-up running down my face**_  
_**And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them**_  
_**Like every single wish we ever made**_  
_**I wish that I could wake up with amnesia**_  
_**And forget about the stupid little things**_  
_**Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you**_  
_**And the memories I never can escape**_

Rachel almost couldn't finish. She was full of tears ready to burst any second. But she pulled herself through it.

_**'Cause I'm not fine at all**_  
_**No, I'm really not fine at all**_  
_**Tell me this is just a dream**_  
_**'Cause I'm really not fine at all**_

When she finished everybody clapped and she smiled with tears coming from her eyes. The guy in the corner didn't seem to be moved at all. He just got up and left. Rachel couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

Rachel went to Kurt. He had cried during her performance. "You should have sung that when we were in Lima." Kurt said with a little smile. They hugged each other. "Thank you for staying with me, and making me go out. I really needed this." Kurt chuckled "I know you better than you know yourself." Rachel looked at him and giggled "I'm not so sure about that." Rachel looked at him "Could you excuse me for a moment?". Kurt looked at her with a raised eyebrow "Are you out hunting boys now all of a sudden?" Rachel looked at Kurt "I'm just simply going to tell him his performance was good." Kurt nodded "Sure you are." Rachel ignored Kurt and went out of the bar.

Rachel found the guy packing his guitar into his car. She still hadn't seen his face. Rachel could see from behind he was wearing a baseball cap and some sunglasses, which was weird since it was night. "I liked your performance of Iris." Rachel said. The guy froze and his back went straight. It took some time before he answered in a little deep voice that seemed unnatural. "Thanks." He said with a thick and hoarse voice. "You weren't too bad yourself." He said and sniffed he put his hands on his face but it was difficult seeing what he was doing when his back was turned to her. He sniffed again "Allergies" He explained. Rachel just nodded. "Well, I was sort of singing to my fiance...Well ex-fiance." He closed the trunk when he had put his guitar in "Oh?". Rachel nodded slowly "He passed away, five years ago..." She said. She could see him nodding. "I'm sorry for your loss..." He said, but it didn't really seem like he was. "You know you could turn around and look at me." She said to him taking a step closer. "No..." He suddenly said a little panicked. "I'd rather not..."

Rachel let out an "Oh.". "No offense... It's not you. It's me." He said. What, did he think he was ugly or something? Rachel doubted it. "Could I maybe have your number?" He seemed interested in her again "You're single?" He asked. "Well... Yeah." She said. He chuckled a little for himself. "Rachel Berry's single..." Well he knew about her. "Are you a big fan?" She asked. He sighed "Well... I've been to every one of your plays." Rachel was curious "Really?". This guy was really confusing the one minute he didn't seem interested at all, the next he had been to every one of her plays.

"I don't think it's a good idea." He said... "Then I'll leave you alone..." She finally said. "Bye Rach." The guy said started walking away until she froze. It all suddenly came to her. She turned "What did you say?" He was nervous now "Uhm... I just said bye Rachel..." She shook her head "No you didn't." He chuckled obviously nervous. "That's what I said. Bye Rachel." She didn't say anything just walked to him. It couldn't be she thought. No way. This was some twisted dream. She stopped when she stood right behind him. She put her hand on her shoulders, she bit her lip hard. She turned him around. He was looking down. She put her hand on his sunglasses and baseball cap. She slowly took them off. He sighed and looked into her eyes and she into his."Hey Rach..." Finn said.

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading the first chapter of "Here In Your Arms Again". This was unbetaed, so sorry for any mistakes and such. It would be great if you left a review! Tips is not just appreciated but encouraged! :) Thanks again for reading and until next time! **

**-FinnC**


End file.
